Redemption Song

Redemption songs

We all sat together on the front row of the stake center for the April 2007 Priesthood session of conference. It was myself, my brother-in-law Dave, my nephew Aaron, and my best friend Jess. It had been a good session, like all other sessions, good and something that we would review once the audio downloads came up on the church website and in the Ensign next month. And then it happened. The closing song was a number by the BYU Mens Choir (a choir that I secretly wished I had joined while at BYU), it was an arrangement of Be Still, My Soul with the words taken from Nephi's lament. When it was over and the prayer had been said we looked at each other in amazement, never had we heard a song like that in General Conference. The power was overwhelming and we each felt touched, like we had just witnessed something very special.

Won't you help to sing, these songs of freedom?

Dave, Jess, and I served together in the bishopric and we felt like we should get together a priesthood chorus to sing that song. After many months (a year actually) of good intentions, we brought 12 brethren and a wonderful choir director (thank you, Heather!) together and we practiced. And practiced. And practiced. It is an a cappella number that changed keys twice so it was a bit difficult to make sure we were all together, especially on the second key change. We made mistakes and knew triumph, we felt like we were ready. The big day came and we all lined up on the podium. I played the opening chord to get our notes and off we went. It was a disaster. We were off, way off - I think I was most off. I was sick to my stomach, we had practiced so hard and had sounded so good in practice, we had felt the spirit of what we were singing and it was an overwhelming feeling. But if failed that day. I couldn't hide after the song either, I had to sit on the stand with the other members of the bishopric.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery

I couldn't listen to that song for several weeks without being sick, I took it off of my playlist at work and off of my iPod. The song was still beautiful but I couldn't listen to it without thinking that I had done a disservice to the Lord. Like I had polluted something pure and beautiful. Our choir director, Heather, asked me to sing a song in church for a rest hymn. I accepted the music and it was another beautiful song. I practiced with my accompanist, Barbara, but when the day came to sing it I couldn't do it. I had no confidence in my ability to do the song justice. I didn't feel it and I didn't want to do to that song that I had done to I Love the Lord. Among the brethren that sang it, the performance became synonymous with epic failure. I didn't want that, that song did not deserve that label.

None but ourselves can free our minds

I found out that we were going to reperform I Love the Lord at the ward Christmas party on Dec. 6 and I was thrilled to think that we had another shot to do this song justice. Then I realized that I wouldn't be there as we had another obligation arise that night. I was crushed, here was my chance to right a wrong and I would be absent. Then circumstances changed (when you have a lot of kids and one of them get sick, you know that soon the rest will follow) and I had an opportunity, even if it was singing the high first tenor part and it would only be four of us. I was pretty nervous when we got up there to close the meeting but it was sweet. I was relaxed, it felt good, and then I let it go. No more feeling like my effort had been inadequate but that it was accepted. It wasn't grand and glorious, my breath was short in several places, but it was accepted. That was redemption, my redemption song.

Redemption songs: those songs of freedom, redemption songs.

Here is a video of the song we sang and that has touched my life so deeply. I hope that you enjoy it like I do. Again.



Redemption Song lyrics by Bob Marley